my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
