Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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