He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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