She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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