she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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