I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
