I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Enjoy the penises
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
