Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
