just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
