I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
