its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
