she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
