Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
it's like iHOP with fire
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
