i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
handjob tips. give me some.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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