tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
