How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
