I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
