i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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