Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
