You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
