Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
