do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize