Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
