Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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