You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
