Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
