tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
