I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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