My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
