he looks like a really good dad on facebook
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
