I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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