I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
