I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
