everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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