Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
There's even glitter on my cock...
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