This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I need moral support for this bender
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
