please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
