Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
