you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
