I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you traded sex for a burrito?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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