We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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