this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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