if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
