i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
where are you?
Hypothermia
I think a kid would responsible me up
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
