Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
