We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
