Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
