I CAN MOONWALK!
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
