just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
