I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
