I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize