Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just had sex on a roof
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize