I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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