wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
