He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
