Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Randomize
