I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm passing your future prison.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
