Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
