By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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