I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
