U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
