Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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