my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
