So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
