Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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