The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
