Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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