Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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