Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
