If that was your dad, he is hot
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
