Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
