yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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