Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
i now understand why vodka
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I came so hard my ears popped.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
