wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
