Well douche your snatch and let's go!
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize