Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize