He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
