Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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