So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
