You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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