There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
