I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
