Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
