FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
