If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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