I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
