When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
