i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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