i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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