Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
