Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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